


Understand

by Cannibal_Cupcakes



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), I'm sorry I just wanted to write some angst with fluff at the end, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Suicide Attempt, they get a happy ending i swear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-06
Updated: 2019-01-06
Packaged: 2019-10-05 15:50:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17327951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cannibal_Cupcakes/pseuds/Cannibal_Cupcakes
Summary: As far as Kokichi was concerned, nobody would care if he died.He never knew it would take a suicide attempt and a much-needed conversation to prove him wrong and change his mind.





	Understand

**Author's Note:**

> I went and rewrote some of the lines in here since they felt a bit too rushed and I wanted to redo them. Sorry if there's any confusion!

Kokichi felt his body tense up as the wind flowed over his body, the cool nighttime air leaving goosebumps on his skin as he took a deep breath. In. Out. In. Out. It’ll all be over soon.

He had been standing over the bridge for a little over ten minutes now, and he still hadn’t gotten the courage to jump. He was just a pathetic waste of space, a coward who wasn't worth the time to mourn. Would anyone care if he died? Probably not. He had little to no family to turn to, his friends all hated him with a passion, and the little sympathy he had searched for in online chatrooms as a last resort had just sounded forced. He was a nobody, just another face in the crowd, hiding behind his intricate mask of lies. If he jumped, no one would care at all. Hey, his death might even make someone in the world happy.

That’s what Kokichi told himself as he slipped off his shoes and climbed over the railing, the cold metal biting into the soft flesh of his hands. He closed his eyes and listened to the sounds of the water below, the sound of the waves rocking his body back and forth with the noise alone. He imagined himself submerged in those waves, powerless as his body tumbled through the inky water. He hadn’t bothered to leave a suicide note, since it was unlikely anyone would see, or care if they found it. Found him. He sighed, took a deep breath, and finally let go of the metal bar, feeling his body tip backwards.

For a moment, time seemed to stop. His body was light as a feather, suspended in weightlessness as the frigid air wrapped around his body.  


Then something reached out and grabbed his leg, yanking him back down to reality.

Kokichi looked up, dazed and confused. His eyes met the stare of another person, a boy probably still in high school like him. They seemed familiar, but he couldn’t pinpoint where he had seen the person. He didn’t have much time to think, however, as the person yanked him up and over the railing with an impressive amount of strength, considering the kid looked like he had toothpicks for arms. Kokichi hissed when his skin was dragged back across the metal, but he shut his mouth. He had dealt with worse pain in his life than a simple scrape.

Once Kokichi was over the threshold, his body flopped over on the concrete, his eyes staring up at the stars. He didn’t have the energy to sit up, so he quickly abandoned the idea of trying to drag himself back over to the railing and pitch himself over the edge again. He let out a breath he wasn't aware he was holding in and closed his eyes, wanting nothing more than to just dissolve into nothingness.  
He felt a gentle nudge to his shoulder, and a soft voice filled his ears. It took him a moment to realize his surprise savior was asking if he was okay. His throat felt dry and scratchy, so he just nodded his head in reply. He opened his eyes, but his vision started spinning and the headache that occurred in response forced him to shut his eyes again.

Kokichi felt his body leave the sidewalk, thin arms holding him up as he was suspended above the ground. He would normally object to being carried around like he weighed less than a small child (which he did), but right now every little action took up too much energy and all he could do was sink back into the arms carrying him. He felt everything go foggy, and the last thing he registered before he fell into unconsciousness was the soft voice of the stranger carrying him, telling him everything would be okay.

When Kokichi awoke, it took him a moment to register he was back in the dorm rooms at Hope’s Peak. It took him a little longer to realize that the room was most definitely not his own. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he carefully analyzed his surroundings, trying to think up a reasonable explanation as to why he was here and not at the bottom of a river. He remembered someone had stopped him from jumping, and they started to carry him… somewhere. Probably back here. He didn’t have to ponder over who rescued him for long, however, as the door to the bedroom opened and a figure stepped in. They were tall, had dark blue hair and soft gray eyes that welcomed anyone in their line of sight. Their expression was serious, yet warm and gentle, all at the same time. He seemed to light up a little when he saw Kokichi had woken up, and a reassuring smile formed on his lips.

Shuichi Saihara. Kokichi Oma had been saved by Shuichi Saihara. Who just so happened to be his crush.

He didn’t know why he cared about someone like the detective, but for some reason his heart had decided the moment he set eyes on the boy that it liked what it saw. Kokichi then spent the next two months pining after the boy, although his attempts had been more or less completely worthless. Most interactions had been hidden under layers and layers of lies, and the conversations felt more like pre-planned options you would find in one of those cliché dating sims. And Kokichi was picking all the wrong options. It hurt, knowing his attempts more than likely drove his beloved Saihara further and further away from him. That was one of the main reasons as to why he had decided life just wasn’t worthwhile anymore.

His thoughts were cut off by Shuichi, the gentle voice from last night returning. “Hey. Um, are you feeling alright?” His words were shy and awkward, but Kokichi could detect empathy and sympathy underneath them. He was shocked to realize the caring emotions were real. Why would anyone try to sympathize with him? He debated his decisions, and decided the best course of action was to start lying again. Fake his way out of the conversation so he could go back to his self-destructive tendencies. Forcing a smile, he put on a mask and fell into his usual routine of acting like he was perfectly fine and healthy.  
“Oooh, does my beloved Saihara-chan actually care about me? What an honor!” He paused, voice changing pitch. “That’s a lie. Supreme leaders care about no one, so there's no way I would care about someone as pathetic as you.” Now he was lying about lying. His heart was buzzing, and just the kind gaze of his crush was enough to send a happy feeling of numbness over his body. No, focus. Get out of this situation already. He doesn’t love you and he never will, so suck it up and deal with it.

Shuichi, on the other hand, wasn’t falling for the liar’s antics. He kept a steady voice, but inside he was practically dying out of sheer nervousness and terror. He had never dealt with another persons suicide before, and it was hard to just jump right in to a situation where you find out one of your classmates was suicidal enough to actually try and end their life.  
“Kokichi, I had to pull you back over a bridge because you tried to jump off and... end your own life. You’re clearly not okay, so you don’t have to pretend to be. I’ve been where you are, so you don’t have to keep lying. I understand.”

Something inside of Kokichi snapped. “That’s not true. You’ll never understand what it’s like to have everyone hate you, to have to lie just so people stop asking questions about your wellbeing. Don’t act like you understand anything about me, because you don’t. You're just like everyone else. You pretend to care, they pretend to care. Then I'm faking it too, and all at once no one cares anymore and we're back at square one, where everything sucks and I just want to die!” He didn’t register that tears had started forming until they had stained his cheeks and left droplets on the sheets, falling from his eyes like raindrops.

Shuichi stood still. Nothing was said or done for a long time, the only sounds in the room being the weak and shaky sobs that came from Kokichi. Then, he reached over to his arm and pulled up his sleeve. Kokichi was perplexed, until he noticed the state of the skin underneath the fabric.  
Scars. Lots and lots of scars. Some new, some old. All were straight lines that were made with precise cuts from a sharp object, more than likely a razor from the bathroom or some sort of knife that had been snatched from the school kitchen when the supervising adults hadn't been paying as much attention as they should have. Nevertheless, it was impossible to deny that something very bad had been happening with the detective for a long, long time. Bad enough to let him sink down to the same depressed state Kokichi had been stuck in.

Kokichi let out a soft “oh,” the whisper seeming much louder due to the deafening silence in the room. He stayed silent as Shuichi walked over to the bed, sitting on the edge. Kokichi sat up, scooting over so the two classmates were side by side. Without saying anything, Kokichi leaned over and rested his head on Shuichi’s lap, letting the detective play with the plum colored locks of hair on his head.

The two sat in silence, basking in the presence of one another until they lost track of time. It was getting late in the day and they probably should have been in class by now, but as far as they were concerned their education could drop to rock bottom and dive into the negatives. They were happy, and they deserved a break from the harsh expectations of society.

“I like you,” Kokichi whispered. “And that’s not a lie.”  


Shuichi froze in shock like a deer in headlights, but the sudden surprise only lasted for a moment. He relaxed, and replied. “I like you too.”

Both of them had lived rough lives, and both of them carried battle scars from their experiences. They had endured so much that nobody should ever have to experience, and yet, somehow, they had managed to pull through. Through all of the messy thoughts circling through his head, Kokichi knew that the two of them were going to make the bad things go back to being okay again. Together.

No more hiding, no more lies.

It was the kind of thing he thought he could get used to.


End file.
